One Year

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Linda's passing. It was a good day because I was very supported by friends and family. It was a day of remembering Linda and missing her, as well as reflecting on this year that has gone by without her. I also received a gift yesterday, and that was hope.

I was talking with my good friend during lunch and was telling him how I've been covered by despair recently. I then went on to tell him that deep down I know that no matter what the despair tells me or how I'm feeling, that's not the end of the story. That even if I can't see it right now, I know that someday the despair will end. I know that God has a good future in store for me. I was telling him that I will not let go of that hope. I will not. To which my friend replied, "if only the you ten years ago could see you now, the hope and joy of the Lord that you have in the face of tragedy. You probably wouldn't be able to recognize yourself!"

That gave me renewed hope. It made me remember how far God has brought me, how much hope there is in Him. I answered, "you're right, even though I'm going through the most difficult time in my life, I am not the man I was ten years ago, I have so much hope." The Michael ten years ago was a hopeless case! And recently in my despair, I was thinking, 'things were horrible ten years ago, and they're worse now. What's the point of it all? Your future is only going to be even worse!' But my friend's comment was the truth, and it flipped the lie I was hearing in my despair.

I was looking on my past and thinking about my future, and the enemy was telling me that since my past has been full of hardship and tragedy, my future will be hopeless. But the flip side of that coin (the truth) is that God has been my protection and my hope through the hardship, and He will continue to be there for me. My future is not hopeless.

A scripture that another friend gave to me yesterday is "You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head." (Psalms 3:3) God keeps me safe. Even though I will go through the 'valley of the shadow of death,' I won't fear the hopelessness that is there because God is with me. He has protected me before and He will continue to do so. And the future He promises me is great, it's not hopeless! "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) I take hope in His plan for me, knowing that whatever He has in store for me in these next years will be good.

So I hold onto hope, looking to God, and am expecting this next year to be a good one.