There was Vacation Bible School this week at my church. It's a Christian day camp for kids first through fifth grade. A couple of weeks before VBS started, I recieved some verses from Isaiah 58. Verses 7 and 8 say, "Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth."
I found this promise coming true this week because I was focused on people. I soon felt the weight of despair lift, like the verse says. I had someone to help this entire week, someone on my video team who is hungry to turn their life around and follow God. I am friends with this person and was able to provide them a place to serve others. As a result this person ran with the opportunity, had a lot of fun, and blessed so many people along the way. Then I turned around from helping them and saw that my own life was better!
I'm not thinking about how things will be once life gets back to normal after VBS because I know I want to continue to help this person and others follow God. I know going forward that life won't be the mountaintop experience of VBS, but I know for sure now that this promise is true and I would be crazy not to follow how God says I can get there. I challenge you to look at your life and see where you may need recovery and give that area to God. Then ask Him who is in need that you can help. You'll be surprised by your own recovery when you focus on loving and helping others!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Feelin's
A couple of weeks ago I published a post called "Hiding in Plain Sight" about my tendency to stay busy to avoid feeling instead of going to God in my grief. That post somehow vanished from my public page, but I can't say I'm sad because it wasn't my favorite post--it needed something more! So I'm returning to the subject with a new post.
What I've learned over the course of the last several months is that I like to work hard. That's not a bad thing, but what I didn't know is my habit is to stay busy to avoid feeling. When I realized this, I knew I didn't want to avoid feeling the loss of Linda, so I stopped working as hard. Very soon afterward, a flood of emotion came rushing in. It was like a tidal wave of backed-up feelings that washed over me and knocked me over for a couple weeks. But I knew it was good. I was feeling what was inside, and it was healing.
The other thing I learned when I took a break from working hard was that I get my sense of worth from other people's praise when I work hard. Working hard isn't a bad thing in itself (it can be a great thing), but staying busy all the time in order to receive validation is. After slowing down, I learned that my value comes from the Lord, and I learn about my value through my relationship with Him. Recently this verse has been on my heart, and out of gratefulness I say to God, "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well" (Psalm 139:14). He made me awesome, so my confidence is in Him. And the places where I am lacking or weak, I trust in Him to give me strength. I'm only awesome because He's the awesomeist and He makes me awesome!
So I'm enjoying this time of slowing down and smelling the proverbial truth, and also growing in love with God and my family and friends around me. God is using Linda's passing as an opportunity to teach me some big lessons and to enlarge my heart. Of course I wish Linda was still here with me, but I am grateful that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
He is creating good things in my life out of this tragedy. Despair will not take ahold of me during this 'night of grieving.' It may lay on top of me, but it won't seep into my bones because God is using this tragedy to grow character in my life. Like it says in Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." I am already experiencing the joy of the Lord amidst my grief, and I look forward to even more joy in the future!
What I've learned over the course of the last several months is that I like to work hard. That's not a bad thing, but what I didn't know is my habit is to stay busy to avoid feeling. When I realized this, I knew I didn't want to avoid feeling the loss of Linda, so I stopped working as hard. Very soon afterward, a flood of emotion came rushing in. It was like a tidal wave of backed-up feelings that washed over me and knocked me over for a couple weeks. But I knew it was good. I was feeling what was inside, and it was healing.
The other thing I learned when I took a break from working hard was that I get my sense of worth from other people's praise when I work hard. Working hard isn't a bad thing in itself (it can be a great thing), but staying busy all the time in order to receive validation is. After slowing down, I learned that my value comes from the Lord, and I learn about my value through my relationship with Him. Recently this verse has been on my heart, and out of gratefulness I say to God, "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well" (Psalm 139:14). He made me awesome, so my confidence is in Him. And the places where I am lacking or weak, I trust in Him to give me strength. I'm only awesome because He's the awesomeist and He makes me awesome!
So I'm enjoying this time of slowing down and smelling the proverbial truth, and also growing in love with God and my family and friends around me. God is using Linda's passing as an opportunity to teach me some big lessons and to enlarge my heart. Of course I wish Linda was still here with me, but I am grateful that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
He is creating good things in my life out of this tragedy. Despair will not take ahold of me during this 'night of grieving.' It may lay on top of me, but it won't seep into my bones because God is using this tragedy to grow character in my life. Like it says in Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." I am already experiencing the joy of the Lord amidst my grief, and I look forward to even more joy in the future!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
One Year
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Linda's passing. It was a good day because I was very supported by friends and family. It was a day of remembering Linda and missing her, as well as reflecting on this year that has gone by without her. I also received a gift yesterday, and that was hope.
I was talking with my good friend during lunch and was telling him how I've been covered by despair recently. I then went on to tell him that deep down I know that no matter what the despair tells me or how I'm feeling, that's not the end of the story. That even if I can't see it right now, I know that someday the despair will end. I know that God has a good future in store for me. I was telling him that I will not let go of that hope. I will not. To which my friend replied, "if only the you ten years ago could see you now, the hope and joy of the Lord that you have in the face of tragedy. You probably wouldn't be able to recognize yourself!"
That gave me renewed hope. It made me remember how far God has brought me, how much hope there is in Him. I answered, "you're right, even though I'm going through the most difficult time in my life, I am not the man I was ten years ago, I have so much hope." The Michael ten years ago was a hopeless case! And recently in my despair, I was thinking, 'things were horrible ten years ago, and they're worse now. What's the point of it all? Your future is only going to be even worse!' But my friend's comment was the truth, and it flipped the lie I was hearing in my despair.
I was looking on my past and thinking about my future, and the enemy was telling me that since my past has been full of hardship and tragedy, my future will be hopeless. But the flip side of that coin (the truth) is that God has been my protection and my hope through the hardship, and He will continue to be there for me. My future is not hopeless.
A scripture that another friend gave to me yesterday is "You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head." (Psalms 3:3) God keeps me safe. Even though I will go through the 'valley of the shadow of death,' I won't fear the hopelessness that is there because God is with me. He has protected me before and He will continue to do so. And the future He promises me is great, it's not hopeless! "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) I take hope in His plan for me, knowing that whatever He has in store for me in these next years will be good.
So I hold onto hope, looking to God, and am expecting this next year to be a good one.
I was talking with my good friend during lunch and was telling him how I've been covered by despair recently. I then went on to tell him that deep down I know that no matter what the despair tells me or how I'm feeling, that's not the end of the story. That even if I can't see it right now, I know that someday the despair will end. I know that God has a good future in store for me. I was telling him that I will not let go of that hope. I will not. To which my friend replied, "if only the you ten years ago could see you now, the hope and joy of the Lord that you have in the face of tragedy. You probably wouldn't be able to recognize yourself!"
That gave me renewed hope. It made me remember how far God has brought me, how much hope there is in Him. I answered, "you're right, even though I'm going through the most difficult time in my life, I am not the man I was ten years ago, I have so much hope." The Michael ten years ago was a hopeless case! And recently in my despair, I was thinking, 'things were horrible ten years ago, and they're worse now. What's the point of it all? Your future is only going to be even worse!' But my friend's comment was the truth, and it flipped the lie I was hearing in my despair.
I was looking on my past and thinking about my future, and the enemy was telling me that since my past has been full of hardship and tragedy, my future will be hopeless. But the flip side of that coin (the truth) is that God has been my protection and my hope through the hardship, and He will continue to be there for me. My future is not hopeless.
A scripture that another friend gave to me yesterday is "You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head." (Psalms 3:3) God keeps me safe. Even though I will go through the 'valley of the shadow of death,' I won't fear the hopelessness that is there because God is with me. He has protected me before and He will continue to do so. And the future He promises me is great, it's not hopeless! "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) I take hope in His plan for me, knowing that whatever He has in store for me in these next years will be good.
So I hold onto hope, looking to God, and am expecting this next year to be a good one.
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