At the end of June I decided that I was going to join a church plant my friends were starting in their home in Washington. This was a big move for me, not because I had never made a big move before, but because the last big move had ended so tragically. But what made this move possible was the fact that God was calling me there, and because it meant I was moving forward into a new season of my life. I new I needed this move, and I knew God was saying I was ready for it.
So I said yes, packed up my things, and moved to Auburn, Washington. All in a month's time! It turned out to be a big adjustment for me once I got here, but it was made better because I was living with the Antonllis, a family I already knew, and the pastors of the church plant I was now a part of. I had already visited them twice (once for a week and once for two weeks) over the last two years. So they were there for me during my time of transition. And through that, God has taught me about His grace in a new way: that I am loved and accepted regardless of how I perform. I don't have to have it all together to be accepted and loved, and I heard repeatedly in the last couple months, "you're doing great, don't worry you're doing enough!"
I had been used to doing a million things, and realized my sense of worth was wrapped up in that. Part of my sense of value was based on working hard. If I just worked hard enough in my ministry, at my job, on my relationships and on myself, then I would be accepted. But God showed me that I am accepted and loved just as I am. He loves when I work as unto him, but I learned I can only do so much. I'm only human, I'm not capable of perfection, like Him. I'm learning to trust and be happy with what I've done, and that He will do the rest. He will cause spiritual growth from the seeds I plant in other people's lives, He will grow my business and my relationships as I trust Him, and He will grow me and fix the broken areas in my life in time.
There has been so much freedom in learning to live this way, in trusting that "God causes all things to work together for the good to those who love God." (Romans 8:28) And that I am "His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them." (Ephesians 2:10) I am a precious object that God is in the midst of refining. He has also prepared for me ways to serve, I only need to walk in them, I don't need to worry about doing it perfectly, because that's God's job, He will make it perfect. I can be free to enjoy what He has prepared for me--the business, the ministry, the relationships, and myself, who He has "fearfully and wonderfully made!" (Psalms 139:14)
Another hallmark of this season the verse that lead me to say yes to joining the church plant. It is Isaiah 58: 6-8, and it basically says, as you look after the poor and the needy, then your own recovery will come quickly, and your light will shine forth like the dawn. This promise has sustained me through this season, and my aim is to continue living this out throughout my life. As I have taken my focus off myself and asked God how I can serve and benefit others, my problems diminish. It is another act of trust, stepping out in faith to help another, trusting that God will take care of my problems I leave behind. And I find over and over that as I do, not only does my own healing come, but my light shines brighter and brighter to the world!
Thank You God that Your promises are true, and that You lead me into Your best for me!
Monday, December 16, 2013
Sunday, July 21, 2013
Our Roles Are Vital
I love cycling. I like riding my road bike, and also enjoy professional cycling. I don't follow it as closely as I like, but I always try to watch as much of the Tour de France as I can. I was watching it the other day and was just enjoying the race but was reminded that we all have gifts God has given us and they are all equally important. I saw this through the actions of the race leader and his teammate.
The race leader, Chris Froome, was winning the Tour overall, but was struggling in the taxing mountain race I was watching. He was neck and neck with the second place rider and didn't want to give up his lead. He kept his lead that day, but couldn't have done it without his teammate Richie Porte. During the race, I could see that Richie had a lot more energy than Froome, and was even riding ahead sometimes. But he always slowed down when he realized this, and stayed right ahead of Froome. Richie could have easily gone off on his own, maybe could have even won the race. But his role was to support his teammate who was the overall leader, and he did his job very well.
The reason it was important for Richie to stick right in front of Froome was to block the wind for him and make his ride easier. Richie also went and got water for Froome at one point. Richie Porte won't be on the winner's podium at the end of the Tour de France with Chris Froome, but his role in the race as support was vital. Watching that race made me think of the verses in Romans 12:4-6 that say, "For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly."
As Christians, we all have gifts God has given us, and all are equally important to the cause of Christ. Some people are gifted preachers, some at spreading the good news to people who haven't heard it. Others are good at supporting those who are visible to the public. Others still love to give or serve those in need, and the list goes on. We are all vital parts of the body of Christ, and we all need the support of the brothers and sisters around us. It is important for me to remember that the recognition one person gets does not make him better than others. The world would say it does, but in 20 years, not many people will remember the Chris Froomes or Richie Portes of this life.
What will endure is the effort we make for the kingdom of heaven. Lets say Chris Froome was a pastor who spoke in front of thousands and lead hundreds to Christ, and Richie Porter was his assistant. 20 years after their death, few would remember what they did, but the lives that were saved directly and indirectly from the effort of both men will be impacted for eternity. And the effort of both roles are equally important.
This is encouraging to me as a man who is gifted as a supporter. My prayer is that God givse me spiritual eyes to know how important I am in what I do. That it doesn't matter weather I get praise or recognition from even one person my entire life. What's important is what God thinks about me. He thinks I'm awesome. He thinks we are all awesome, and He loves each of us more than we could ever know. As our Heavenly Father, He is delighted when we use our giftings to serve others, and He loves to see each of us get better and better at it. At the bottom of it is His immense love for us. "We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)
The race leader, Chris Froome, was winning the Tour overall, but was struggling in the taxing mountain race I was watching. He was neck and neck with the second place rider and didn't want to give up his lead. He kept his lead that day, but couldn't have done it without his teammate Richie Porte. During the race, I could see that Richie had a lot more energy than Froome, and was even riding ahead sometimes. But he always slowed down when he realized this, and stayed right ahead of Froome. Richie could have easily gone off on his own, maybe could have even won the race. But his role was to support his teammate who was the overall leader, and he did his job very well.
The reason it was important for Richie to stick right in front of Froome was to block the wind for him and make his ride easier. Richie also went and got water for Froome at one point. Richie Porte won't be on the winner's podium at the end of the Tour de France with Chris Froome, but his role in the race as support was vital. Watching that race made me think of the verses in Romans 12:4-6 that say, "For just as we have many members in one body and all the members do not have the same function, so we, who are many, are one body in Christ, and individually members one of another. Since we have gifts that differ according to the grace given to us, each of us is to exercise them accordingly."
As Christians, we all have gifts God has given us, and all are equally important to the cause of Christ. Some people are gifted preachers, some at spreading the good news to people who haven't heard it. Others are good at supporting those who are visible to the public. Others still love to give or serve those in need, and the list goes on. We are all vital parts of the body of Christ, and we all need the support of the brothers and sisters around us. It is important for me to remember that the recognition one person gets does not make him better than others. The world would say it does, but in 20 years, not many people will remember the Chris Froomes or Richie Portes of this life.
What will endure is the effort we make for the kingdom of heaven. Lets say Chris Froome was a pastor who spoke in front of thousands and lead hundreds to Christ, and Richie Porter was his assistant. 20 years after their death, few would remember what they did, but the lives that were saved directly and indirectly from the effort of both men will be impacted for eternity. And the effort of both roles are equally important.
This is encouraging to me as a man who is gifted as a supporter. My prayer is that God givse me spiritual eyes to know how important I am in what I do. That it doesn't matter weather I get praise or recognition from even one person my entire life. What's important is what God thinks about me. He thinks I'm awesome. He thinks we are all awesome, and He loves each of us more than we could ever know. As our Heavenly Father, He is delighted when we use our giftings to serve others, and He loves to see each of us get better and better at it. At the bottom of it is His immense love for us. "We love, because He first loved us." (1 John 4:19)
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Seattle
The Lord is calling me into an exciting new chapter in my life, and last week I decided to move to the Seattle area. I will be joining my friends Chris and Christine Antonelli to plant a church. I will be leaving soon, going up there on August 1st. It is exciting, and is the culmination of a desire God put on my heart seven months ago. The story is I visited the Antonellis in January and instantly became part of their family. I also talked with them a lot about the call the Lord put on their life, the call to lead a church of people.
Over the course of 6 months, God made it clear to them that they will be planting a church. He was healing my heart at the same time, making me ready to join them. I knew I wanted to join them at some point, but I didn't know when I would be ready. God showed me I was by the way of Isaiah 58. I shared verses 7 and 8 in my last post, and to recap they say basically that if you help the poor and the needy, your own recovery will come quickly, and your light will shine forth like the dawn. Those were just nice verses until I followed what they said, and saw them come true! I then knew deep down the path I needed to take. The one of caring for the poor and needy. Not only those who are physically poor, but also those who are poor in spirit. Those who are searching for something more.
I knew I could care for the needy wherever I'm at, but I felt the Lord saying "follow your heart. I gave you the desire to be with the Antonellis and the desire to be part of a church plant. It's time." So I told Chris and Christine I would join them. It's been about a week and a half since I decided. I'm excited, but I will of course miss all my friends and family here. I don't know what this adventure has in store, but that's part of the excitement of following God. I am thrilled to start a new chapter in my life. I know there will still be times of sadness and grief along the way, but I also know that I'm ready for this new step and that God (and the Antonellis) will be with me when I need a shoulder to cry on. In it all, I know God has good things in store for me in the future. He says in Isaiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
Over the course of 6 months, God made it clear to them that they will be planting a church. He was healing my heart at the same time, making me ready to join them. I knew I wanted to join them at some point, but I didn't know when I would be ready. God showed me I was by the way of Isaiah 58. I shared verses 7 and 8 in my last post, and to recap they say basically that if you help the poor and the needy, your own recovery will come quickly, and your light will shine forth like the dawn. Those were just nice verses until I followed what they said, and saw them come true! I then knew deep down the path I needed to take. The one of caring for the poor and needy. Not only those who are physically poor, but also those who are poor in spirit. Those who are searching for something more.
I knew I could care for the needy wherever I'm at, but I felt the Lord saying "follow your heart. I gave you the desire to be with the Antonellis and the desire to be part of a church plant. It's time." So I told Chris and Christine I would join them. It's been about a week and a half since I decided. I'm excited, but I will of course miss all my friends and family here. I don't know what this adventure has in store, but that's part of the excitement of following God. I am thrilled to start a new chapter in my life. I know there will still be times of sadness and grief along the way, but I also know that I'm ready for this new step and that God (and the Antonellis) will be with me when I need a shoulder to cry on. In it all, I know God has good things in store for me in the future. He says in Isaiah 29:11, "For I know the plans that I have for you, plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope."
Wednesday, July 3, 2013
God, my heart's companion
I was walking on the beach a few days ago talking with God, when I saw a couple walking towards me. They were holding hands, and they reminded me of Linda and I. They didn't look like we did, but the lady had blonde hair like Linda did, and the man had a baseball cap on like I did that morning. I first started to miss Linda, but I heard God say, "I am your mate. I am your partner. And I want to be closer to you than even Linda was. I am filling that hole in your heart, and I want to fill it even more with My love. Be My mate. Come close to Me. Hold My hand, spend time."
My Father wants to have an intimate relationship with me, like a bridegroom has with a bride. This verse describes that relationship:
"The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who say,
My Father wants to have an intimate relationship with me, like a bridegroom has with a bride. This verse describes that relationship:
"The voice of joy and the voice of gladness, the voice of the bridegroom and the voice of the bride, the voice of those who say,
'Give thanks to the Lord of hosts,
For the Lord is good,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting';
For the Lord is good,
For His lovingkindness is everlasting';
and of those who bring a thank offering into the house of the Lord. For I will restore the fortunes of the land as they were at first,’ says the Lord." (Jeremiah 33:11)
I am God's bride, and my declaration is, "Thank You Lord, because You are good, and Your love is forever! Thank You God that you will restore my fortunes to be even better than they were before Linda passed away."
I love this picture from Isaiah 62:5 that says, "As the bridegroom rejoices over the bride, so your God will rejoice over you." God is so proud of me, so in love with me, that He rejoices over me! I want more of that. I want more of His exuberant, overflowing love for me. God, Your joy fills my heart, and I am so glad I get to spend time with You everyday; You the maker of heaven and earth, and my heart's companion.
Thursday, June 20, 2013
God's promise for recovery: Isaiah 58
There was Vacation Bible School this week at my church. It's a Christian day camp for kids first through fifth grade. A couple of weeks before VBS started, I recieved some verses from Isaiah 58. Verses 7 and 8 say, "Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry and bring the homeless poor into the house; when you see the naked, to cover him; and not to hide yourself from your own flesh? Then your light will break out like the dawn, and your recovery will speedily spring forth."
I found this promise coming true this week because I was focused on people. I soon felt the weight of despair lift, like the verse says. I had someone to help this entire week, someone on my video team who is hungry to turn their life around and follow God. I am friends with this person and was able to provide them a place to serve others. As a result this person ran with the opportunity, had a lot of fun, and blessed so many people along the way. Then I turned around from helping them and saw that my own life was better!
I'm not thinking about how things will be once life gets back to normal after VBS because I know I want to continue to help this person and others follow God. I know going forward that life won't be the mountaintop experience of VBS, but I know for sure now that this promise is true and I would be crazy not to follow how God says I can get there. I challenge you to look at your life and see where you may need recovery and give that area to God. Then ask Him who is in need that you can help. You'll be surprised by your own recovery when you focus on loving and helping others!
I found this promise coming true this week because I was focused on people. I soon felt the weight of despair lift, like the verse says. I had someone to help this entire week, someone on my video team who is hungry to turn their life around and follow God. I am friends with this person and was able to provide them a place to serve others. As a result this person ran with the opportunity, had a lot of fun, and blessed so many people along the way. Then I turned around from helping them and saw that my own life was better!
I'm not thinking about how things will be once life gets back to normal after VBS because I know I want to continue to help this person and others follow God. I know going forward that life won't be the mountaintop experience of VBS, but I know for sure now that this promise is true and I would be crazy not to follow how God says I can get there. I challenge you to look at your life and see where you may need recovery and give that area to God. Then ask Him who is in need that you can help. You'll be surprised by your own recovery when you focus on loving and helping others!
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Feelin's
A couple of weeks ago I published a post called "Hiding in Plain Sight" about my tendency to stay busy to avoid feeling instead of going to God in my grief. That post somehow vanished from my public page, but I can't say I'm sad because it wasn't my favorite post--it needed something more! So I'm returning to the subject with a new post.
What I've learned over the course of the last several months is that I like to work hard. That's not a bad thing, but what I didn't know is my habit is to stay busy to avoid feeling. When I realized this, I knew I didn't want to avoid feeling the loss of Linda, so I stopped working as hard. Very soon afterward, a flood of emotion came rushing in. It was like a tidal wave of backed-up feelings that washed over me and knocked me over for a couple weeks. But I knew it was good. I was feeling what was inside, and it was healing.
The other thing I learned when I took a break from working hard was that I get my sense of worth from other people's praise when I work hard. Working hard isn't a bad thing in itself (it can be a great thing), but staying busy all the time in order to receive validation is. After slowing down, I learned that my value comes from the Lord, and I learn about my value through my relationship with Him. Recently this verse has been on my heart, and out of gratefulness I say to God, "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well" (Psalm 139:14). He made me awesome, so my confidence is in Him. And the places where I am lacking or weak, I trust in Him to give me strength. I'm only awesome because He's the awesomeist and He makes me awesome!
So I'm enjoying this time of slowing down and smelling the proverbial truth, and also growing in love with God and my family and friends around me. God is using Linda's passing as an opportunity to teach me some big lessons and to enlarge my heart. Of course I wish Linda was still here with me, but I am grateful that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
He is creating good things in my life out of this tragedy. Despair will not take ahold of me during this 'night of grieving.' It may lay on top of me, but it won't seep into my bones because God is using this tragedy to grow character in my life. Like it says in Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." I am already experiencing the joy of the Lord amidst my grief, and I look forward to even more joy in the future!
What I've learned over the course of the last several months is that I like to work hard. That's not a bad thing, but what I didn't know is my habit is to stay busy to avoid feeling. When I realized this, I knew I didn't want to avoid feeling the loss of Linda, so I stopped working as hard. Very soon afterward, a flood of emotion came rushing in. It was like a tidal wave of backed-up feelings that washed over me and knocked me over for a couple weeks. But I knew it was good. I was feeling what was inside, and it was healing.
The other thing I learned when I took a break from working hard was that I get my sense of worth from other people's praise when I work hard. Working hard isn't a bad thing in itself (it can be a great thing), but staying busy all the time in order to receive validation is. After slowing down, I learned that my value comes from the Lord, and I learn about my value through my relationship with Him. Recently this verse has been on my heart, and out of gratefulness I say to God, "I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well" (Psalm 139:14). He made me awesome, so my confidence is in Him. And the places where I am lacking or weak, I trust in Him to give me strength. I'm only awesome because He's the awesomeist and He makes me awesome!
So I'm enjoying this time of slowing down and smelling the proverbial truth, and also growing in love with God and my family and friends around me. God is using Linda's passing as an opportunity to teach me some big lessons and to enlarge my heart. Of course I wish Linda was still here with me, but I am grateful that "God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28)
He is creating good things in my life out of this tragedy. Despair will not take ahold of me during this 'night of grieving.' It may lay on top of me, but it won't seep into my bones because God is using this tragedy to grow character in my life. Like it says in Psalm 30:5, "Weeping may last for the night, But a shout of joy comes in the morning." I am already experiencing the joy of the Lord amidst my grief, and I look forward to even more joy in the future!
Thursday, June 6, 2013
One Year
Yesterday was the one year anniversary of Linda's passing. It was a good day because I was very supported by friends and family. It was a day of remembering Linda and missing her, as well as reflecting on this year that has gone by without her. I also received a gift yesterday, and that was hope.
I was talking with my good friend during lunch and was telling him how I've been covered by despair recently. I then went on to tell him that deep down I know that no matter what the despair tells me or how I'm feeling, that's not the end of the story. That even if I can't see it right now, I know that someday the despair will end. I know that God has a good future in store for me. I was telling him that I will not let go of that hope. I will not. To which my friend replied, "if only the you ten years ago could see you now, the hope and joy of the Lord that you have in the face of tragedy. You probably wouldn't be able to recognize yourself!"
That gave me renewed hope. It made me remember how far God has brought me, how much hope there is in Him. I answered, "you're right, even though I'm going through the most difficult time in my life, I am not the man I was ten years ago, I have so much hope." The Michael ten years ago was a hopeless case! And recently in my despair, I was thinking, 'things were horrible ten years ago, and they're worse now. What's the point of it all? Your future is only going to be even worse!' But my friend's comment was the truth, and it flipped the lie I was hearing in my despair.
I was looking on my past and thinking about my future, and the enemy was telling me that since my past has been full of hardship and tragedy, my future will be hopeless. But the flip side of that coin (the truth) is that God has been my protection and my hope through the hardship, and He will continue to be there for me. My future is not hopeless.
A scripture that another friend gave to me yesterday is "You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head." (Psalms 3:3) God keeps me safe. Even though I will go through the 'valley of the shadow of death,' I won't fear the hopelessness that is there because God is with me. He has protected me before and He will continue to do so. And the future He promises me is great, it's not hopeless! "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) I take hope in His plan for me, knowing that whatever He has in store for me in these next years will be good.
So I hold onto hope, looking to God, and am expecting this next year to be a good one.
I was talking with my good friend during lunch and was telling him how I've been covered by despair recently. I then went on to tell him that deep down I know that no matter what the despair tells me or how I'm feeling, that's not the end of the story. That even if I can't see it right now, I know that someday the despair will end. I know that God has a good future in store for me. I was telling him that I will not let go of that hope. I will not. To which my friend replied, "if only the you ten years ago could see you now, the hope and joy of the Lord that you have in the face of tragedy. You probably wouldn't be able to recognize yourself!"
That gave me renewed hope. It made me remember how far God has brought me, how much hope there is in Him. I answered, "you're right, even though I'm going through the most difficult time in my life, I am not the man I was ten years ago, I have so much hope." The Michael ten years ago was a hopeless case! And recently in my despair, I was thinking, 'things were horrible ten years ago, and they're worse now. What's the point of it all? Your future is only going to be even worse!' But my friend's comment was the truth, and it flipped the lie I was hearing in my despair.
I was looking on my past and thinking about my future, and the enemy was telling me that since my past has been full of hardship and tragedy, my future will be hopeless. But the flip side of that coin (the truth) is that God has been my protection and my hope through the hardship, and He will continue to be there for me. My future is not hopeless.
A scripture that another friend gave to me yesterday is "You, O Lord, are a shield about me, my glory, and the One who lifts my head." (Psalms 3:3) God keeps me safe. Even though I will go through the 'valley of the shadow of death,' I won't fear the hopelessness that is there because God is with me. He has protected me before and He will continue to do so. And the future He promises me is great, it's not hopeless! "'For I know the plans that I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope.'" (Jeremiah 29:11) I take hope in His plan for me, knowing that whatever He has in store for me in these next years will be good.
So I hold onto hope, looking to God, and am expecting this next year to be a good one.
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